I feel loved

I have realized for the first time today since I posted that embarassing status on facebook that I am truly loved.  I also realized first time that I put myself in the dark place again without even realizing it. I think it is like Adam said because it is cabin fever. I crave to just drive to the store and buy a snack for hubby and I and I or crave to even do errands as crazy as that may sound. These past few weeks being on the bed on our main floor had not been easy on me, making me go insane not being able to brush my girls's hair in the way I want it to be and not in a sloppy way. I crave to jump into my husband's arms and give him a bear hug, crave to organize the house, crave to even exercise or dance with my bare feet on our floor. I know this is a temporary setback but I have this fear that hidden inside me that what if I am not completely healed from my back surgery. What if from the few falls that has happened to me caused my surgery to be for nothing? But I need to hold on to the small hope that is inside me until it grows to confidence that I will be able to take my kids for bike rides, I will be able to cook mac and cheese without boiling hot water splattering all over my feet, I will be able to exercise and maybe just maybe do even more than I ever been able to three years ago before my accident. But especially be able to finally get rid of all the painkillers in my system because I am at last healed. I look into my children's eyes and my husband's eyes and I see it pains them to see me like this. It is with immense gratitude though that my wrist pain in both hands are almost to its peak where I can finally be able to do anything with my hands without writhing in pain. Some people say that if I exercise the pain will go away but I needed surgery for my wrists and especially for my back. The doctors, the nurses have any idea how precious they are being instruments through God's hands? I am indeed blessed and loved! I just want whoever reads this blog that life is precious and I'm grateful to be a part of each of your lives. My eyelids are drooping so as much my fingers want to keep going, my body is telling me it is time to end this blog for the night. Good night everyone and sleep the dreams that keep us safe in the clouds's embraces. Good night!